Pour a little salt in that wound...

One of the steps of getting back out there was working on the transformation from Sloth Janelle to Everyday, Pretty Janelle.  Sloth Janelle emerged as a by-product of dealing with my emotional baggage.  I had been so busy doing the work of getting my emotional house back in order that my physical person was ignored.  I was still a clean person who dressed appropriately enough for work but that was about it.  Hair was left undone; most of the contents of my make-up bag collected dust and FORGET about leg hair removal.  (I am compelled to remind you that living in Buffalo, NY an extra layer of hair during the winter can much provide needed warmth.) 

As I healed and contemplated going out on the town with real, live men, I realized that this girl needed some work.   Slowly and over time I rediscovered just how fun it was to be cute and sassy.  My new cut and highlights helped and so did the guidance of my friends who used tough love.   They forced me to buy new and attractive clothing when all I wanted was to visit the Yogun Fruz stand and call it a day. Did I mention that I am a lucky girl? The basics (new haircut, a sassy skirt or two, and the desire to no longer look like a member of the clergy) came relatively easy.  At the same time, I fell in love with the website, The Hairpin .  If you haven’t seen it before, check it out now!  No, right NOW!  See, wasn’t that great?! They have a fantastic column by Jane Marie entitled “How to Be a Girl.”  Jane answers beauty questions and demonstrates cool make up tips.  It’s geared for intelligent and funny women and it is completely fantastic.  Jane answered a question about sunless tanner and wrote a very detailed description of a product that she loves and how to best use it.  I thought to myself “this is just what I need!  I’ll spruce myself up and look tanned, healthy and gorgeous in just one night!”  Fabulous!  I bought the recommended spray sun less tanner and followed her instructions TO THE LETTER. Or so I thought, ready to wake up looking tan and glorious.  I was on my way to a more confident tomorrow!  Watch out Buffalo!  

Morning comes and I begin to prepare for the day.  Blurry eyed, I glance down at my arm and notice a small streak…hmmm.  I look at my other arm to find a larger, more pronounced streak. Uh oh.  Then I notice my legs covered in alternating racer stripes of pale skin and burnt orange! FUCK! I take off my shirt to inspect the rest of the damage.  My shoulders looked like victims of a cruel finger painting accident.  I looked like I had a pigmentation disorder.   Blurgh!  In the shower, I use the loofah within an inch of my life but it was no use.   I was still a streaky mess.   Thankfully, pants and long sleeves cover most of the damage but my ego was still bruised.   Friends at work (I am so lucky to work with wonderful friends!) informed me that a solution of lemon juice and kosher salt should do the trick.  The next morning, I scrubbed with said solution for a FULL 15 minutes before my skin began to its typical hue.  Take a moment and consider this length of time.  15 minutes.  Scrubbing my arms and legs with what is essentially chicken marinade.  I felt like a Morton Salt Girl who lost her umbrella. Oy Vey. 

With this in mind, today’s recipe is a lovely roast chicken.  Thomas Keller’s to be precise.  What makes this roast chicken so special is that it always produces a beautiful, mostly even brown skin.  

Thomas Keller’s Favorite Simple Roast Chicken

One 2-3 lb chicken (Mr. Keller specifies a farm raised chicken. I say go for the best you can find, whatever that may be.  )

Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper

Note the even, brown color the skin.
This is one confident chicken.  

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.  Rinse chicken, then dry it inside and out with paper towels.  The idea is to get the chicken as dry as possible.  Any water left on the chicken will create steam once in the oven.  The less steam, the crispier the skin.  Add salt and pepper to the cavity.  Truss the chicken.  Don’t know how?  Here’s how.  If you don’t want to truss, that’s cool, it but helps the bird cook more evenly.  If you’ll notice, I chose not to truss because I am lazy. 

Salt the outside of the chicken by raining 1 tablespoon of salt over the whole chicken.  Season with a few grinds of fresh pepper.  Place chicken in roasting pan till done, 50-60 minutes.   Remove from oven and let the bird rest for 15 minutes before carving.  To make the white meat extra delicious, slather it with melted butter (!) before serving.  Serve immediately and enjoy.  Be sure to serve everyone some of the extra delicious, ultra crispy brown skin.  Or keep it all to yourself.   Serves 2-4.  

Chocolate soothes the savage beast

So the world of online dating can be a useful tool for modern folks to meet possible suitors.  Some of my best friends have met their partners online.  It is also a terrifying nightmare full of pitfalls and mixed signals.  Also, I should probably stress that I’m not very good at dating.  I lack the patience and general “devil may care” attitude possessed by successful daters.  Though who these people are, I’m not sure.     Dating activates my crazy.  My obsessive tendencies and low self-esteem light up light up like a Vegas skyline when presented with anything more complicated than “Do you like me? Circle Yes or No.”  Add to this the anxiety re-entering the dating world after six years and you have a full-on mess in a dress.    Even in the some of the worst times of my relationship, I took comfort in the fact that at least I was no longer “out there.”  I’d look over at my ex during yet another argument think, “well…the devil you know…”  The truth is your partner should not just be a shield from the single life and even mature and fabulous dogs can learn new tricks.  But these are the lessons learned after many, many months of life in the online dating jungle.  Let’s harken back to that first venture out of doors with an actual, real live man since the end of my old life.  I was so nervous I was convinced I would throw up on my shoes the moment he said hello.  I wanted to back out, to seek refuge on the couch with a chicken finger sub.   I decided not to cancel.  This first date had to happen at some point and Jim’s Steak Out is open late.  In retrospect, it was the perfect starter date.  He was like the slow pitch softball of the dating world.  Though he was kind and gracious, I could immediately tell that I didn’t like him in that way.  He apparently did not feel the same way about me and though he was very sweet, kept pushing topics I so desperately wanted to avoid—ever been married?  Why did you return to Buffalo?  Worst break up?    UGH!

Earlier in the day my friends and I decided that as long as didn’t feel “stranger danger”, a mere 55 minutes was an appropriate length of time to spend.  You should, at that point, have a clear enough vision of a person to decide if you want to see them again, and possibly share some food.  After that point, it would be totally acceptable to bolt for my car, hurtling for comfort of my pajamas and chocolate cake.  I only lasted 40.  Navigating the veritable minefield of topics left me exhausted.  At one point I actually “jokingly” yelled at him “We are moving on from this!  I don’t want to talk about it anymore!”  Attractive.  What could be better than a first date that yells and runs away from you as soon as she can see the outline of her car in the dusky distance?  

That date didn't go so well.  There were other dates, none were fantastic, but some were better than others.  What is for certain is that any evening that ends in chocolate cake isn't so bad.  With that in mind, I share my favorite chocolate cake recipe, the very same cake I devoured the second I burst through my door at home.  It's (minimally) adapted from Nigella Lawson, from her book Nigella Bites 

Enjoy! 


Cake:
2 and 2/3 all purpose flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/3 packed light brown sugar
1/4 cup cocoa powder
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3 eggs
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoon sour cream 
1 tablespoon vanilla
3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted and cooled
1/2 vegetable oil
1 1/3 cup chilled water


Frosting:
6 oz Ghirardelli chocolate chips
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
2 heaping tablespoons sour cream
1 3/4  cups powdered sugar, sifted
1 tablespoon vanilla extract.  


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Butter and line the bottom of two 8 inch cake pans.  In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugars, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda and salt.  In another bowl, whisk together the eggs, sour cream and vanilla until blended.  Using Mixmaster (Aww yeah!) or by hand beat together the melted butter and oil till just blended then beat in the water.  Add the dry ingredients all at once and mix together on a slow speed.  Add the egg mixture and mix again till everything is blended.  Pour into prepared pans.  Bake in the center of the over for 45-50 minutes till cake tester comes out clean.  Cool on wire racks for 15 minutes in pans and then turn cakes onto racks to cool completely.  


To make frosting, melt the chocolate in a double boiler and let cool slightly.  Beat the butter till it is creamy, approx 2 minutes, add the sour cream  and then the sifted powdered sugar.  Beat again until it is light and fluffy.  Gently add the vanilla and chocolate until it is smooth and glossy. Frost cooled cakes and devour :)   

First things first, an introduction

So this blog is a about what can happen when the life you think you are going to lead changes.  Drastically.    I’m a smart, fun loving young woman who found her life turned upside down.  I was supposed marry my long time love, move to a wealthy suburb of a Boston, Chicago or the like and raise multi lingual children.   We were going to be a happy, loving couple who dealt with life’s ups and downs together.  Um, well, not so much.  Looooong, tumultuous story short, things soured between my love and me and I eventually found myself and most of my earthly goods racing back to Buffalo, NY, back to the open and warm embrace of my hometown, my wonderful friends and my amazing family.   

Back in the Queen City, I nursed my wounds.  With the help of my family and friends, I finally stopped crying, remembered who I am and discovered how to find joy in the every day.  And now, the new challenge is getting back out there—dating and navigating the murky world of the opposite sex.   Now, let me stress that I am a lucky, LUCKY girl.  This is not a place to complain about the gifts I have been given—people who love me, lovely shelter, and gainful employment.  Rather, this is about chronicling learning how to persevere, being brave, re-discovering my sass, and stepping back into the terrifying/frustrating and even fun world of dating. 

When my former love and I first met, I hadn’t really dated all that much and he and I almost immediately feel into a comfortable pattern.  After three dates, we were an item.  He was interesting and exotic with a bright future ahead of him.  I was hooked and not interested in playing the field.  Six years and one seemingly never-ending break up later, my self-esteem was ragged.   Developing the nerve to meet and actually sit across from a potential suitor for longer than 35 second seemed impossible.  The mere thought made me come unglued.  Also I could not, COULD NOT, stop talking about my ex and our break up.  I told new co-workers, waitresses, fellow Wegman’s shoppers--basically anyone coherent and within earshot.  Not to mention the endless litany directed at my inner circle.  Yep.  I was a mess, but it was all a part of the healing process. 

Eventually, I stopped talking about it all the time, stopped thinking about it all the time and one day, my break up stopped being the thing that defined this part of my life.  It became part of my past, not my right now.  I remembered FUN!  I cooked and ate and danced and laughed!  I felt pretty and smart! And while my friends are wonderful people who keep my social calendar very full, I decided that at some point I would need to get back into the dating game, or Friday nights watching NCIS marathons were going to my reality for the foreseeable future.  (Nothing against NCIS, I would totally go out with DiNozzo.)  Despite the fact that my friends and I went places and met people, none of them were straight, available men.  I needed to take matters into my own hands.