The Art of Cake Poppery

These are not my cake pops, but
Bakerella's. My pops looked JUST like
these except cross eyed and missing feet.

Cake pops. Ever heard of ‘em?  Here is what they look like, from the Bakerella website. They are adorable, right?  A confection so perfectly formed and delicately constructed you could just about poke your eyes out with that stick because you will never again see anything so devastatingly precious? Yeah, and they’re delicious too.  Now, before you lose yourself in the overwhelming cuteness that is cake pops mania, let me tell you a little story.  Several years ago, I decided to make cake pops as a birthday treat for my mom. Her birthday is in Spring, so I chose these Spring Chicken pops, figuring they were perfect!  They don’t require a ton of detail work (a skill which I lack), they are yellow (her favorite color!) and well, they’re cake!  On a stick!  Covered in chocolate!  Yes PLEASE!!   I was still living in Virginia at the time and my family was set to arrive soon for a visit.  I wanted the cake pops to be perfectly perched on the kitchen table when my Mom walked through the door, the perfect start to her birthday trip!  

The list of required ingredients included cake, frosting and candies of various shapes and sizes.  I thought to myself, “beyond the cake and frosting, the rest of this should be a breeze to find and acquire!” Because I procrastinate, I didn’t have time to order from Amazon as Bakerella  recommends.  The next thing I know, it’s three days later and I’m in the parking lot of a specialty baking store.  I  just about maxed out my credit card on  food  ink pens, three jars of three different candies, paper sticks, and something called Paramount crystals.  Now, I’m a food person. Spending time and money on the pursuit of food is not new to me. I will gladly spend $35 on a tiny jar of olives from the south of France. I will eat that jar of olives with the runniest, stinkiest cheese I can find and I will wash it down with wine recommended by my girl Bridget.  (side note: I’m also happy eating hot dogs in a parking lot.)  But when the clerk in the speciality baking store gave me a sideways glance and asked me what I planned to do with Paramount crystals and I didn’t really have a good answer, I questioned the task at hand. I think my response sounded something like this, “Um...they are for melting? With chocolate? For cake pops? Right?”  When I got to my car and looked at my receipt totalling $60, I blanched but I decided to forge ahead.  I love my Mother.  I love baking.  I love a culinary adventure!  TOWANDA!  Or whatever it is they say in Fried Green Tomatoes. I was all in!  
 Ok, supplies procured, now came the “fun” part. I baked the cake, crumbled it , mixed with frosting, rolled into balls, inserted sticks, dip into melted chocolate, let the whole batch set and decorated.  Simple enough!  SIX HOURS LATER  I was sweating profusely.  Chocolate was in my hair.  Some of my cake pops looked..nice.  Others looked, well, meh..  A few looked down right busted.  They were falling off of their sticks with the wildly expensive candy pieces refusing to stay stuck.  The food ink pens wouldn’t write on the pops’ chocolate shell.   I wanted to shut it down and cry...cry the sobs of a broken woman whose dreams of cake poppery came crashing down around her like so much broken glass.  Well, maybe that’s a bit strong.  But I definitely wanted to just regular cry. I threw myself in bed, exhausted and overwhelmed.  In the morning, I got the pops looking semi presentable, cleaned my ravaged kitchen and paced around my apartment till my family arrived.  I cursed myself for not baking a pie (or Stoner Pie!) or getting DC Cupcakes or doing anything other than cake shaped like birds on a stick.  I feel I should stress that I think that Bakerella is fabulous and her creations are genius.  It’s just that my decorating skills aren’t the sharpest and I didn’t give myself enough time.  What’s that thing they always say, “Haste makes paste?”  

In the end, I need not have ever worried.  My mom is proud of everything her children put their minds to and these cake pops were no different.  As soon as she laid eyes on the cake pops and learned that they were A.) cake and B.) made especially for her, she began squealing/screaming in a manner I have never heard before or again.  Imagine, if you will, the highest pitch, squeakiest, squeal that you ever heard.  Or that a dog has ever heard.  And she just kept going. Quoth my mom, “EEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEeeEEEEEEeeeEE!!!! They’re Cakeeeeeeeeeeee!”  If you have ever seen me react to something with great joy ( a wedding announcement, news of a pregnancy, a KitchenAid) her reaction to these cake pops was quite similar but squeakier and with less jumping.  We all began laughing so hard, tears were streaming down my face. I cried twice in 24 hours over these damn cake pops but at least once was the result of a hysterical laughing fit.   It was the best reaction any of my baked goods has ever received and I imagine ever will. So, what did I learn from my cake pops adventure? 1.) Never stress over a baked good for my mother.  She will love anything I bake for her, anything baked with love.  If it’s dipped in chocolate and shaped like a small bird, even better.  2.) SImple is not the same as easy. 3.) I still don’t understand Paramount crystals.  Enjoy the pops everyone!